I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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