Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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