I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
