It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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