you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
