i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
