you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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