i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
