Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
