i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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