You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
