if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
