I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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