Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
