i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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