i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
