you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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