Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
vagina is talking i cant
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
