FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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