a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
