there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
