ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
