if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
birth control should be required to get into college
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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