im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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