i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
