lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
