Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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