the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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