The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
