I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
