Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
