do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."