I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"