i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.