After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.