I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.