Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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