i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
