It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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