So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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