I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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