he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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