He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
