I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
