i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
