My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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