but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
3pm strippers are depressing
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
