It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
40s are totally the cure
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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