i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
