so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
