All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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