youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
