Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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