it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
