By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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