She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
