i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize