Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
