The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
