it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
