people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
