There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
