is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
