nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
