nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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