Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
