Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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