Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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