when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
