You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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