you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
