I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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