He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
