She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
