So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
