Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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