After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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