I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
