i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.