Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.