I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My penis needs a shock collar
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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